Next Year, Meat The Guests in a Whole New Way
When asked what surprises he had in store for next year's Meet The Guests bash, an unconfirmed source commented that after having used the first survey suggestion, good food, that the following year they would not only bring back the 'good food' but the fan's second wish 'good sex' would also be implemented. Considering that our local Sexual Arts Engineers would have to charge attendees for instructional lessons, the Con is looking for ways to cut costs. When you consider how few BayCon attendees have had prior experience in this area, this cost could be enormous. So in a surprise move the event will be renamed 'Eat the Guests'. This event will feature a special GoH celebrity roast (BBQ sauce optional). When warned of the possible competition, the Hotel's food services (a long practioner of this alternative and used on non-paying guests) warned that there could be dire repercussions if the 'Eat the Guests' idea is used without the Con utilizing Union labor. "This cost cutting move could still save us a ton of money!" said J.P. Mortgage, convention penny pincher treasurer. "We only need to buy the guests one way air fare! We can schedule the event for early the first day of the convention so that the guests don't have to check in. We can even make a buck or two auctioning off their luggage! Any autographs they sign are guaranteed to go up in value. Heck, we might even turn a profit this year if we invite the right guests!" He then added, "And we can donate the left-overs to Hospitality for the gophe rs to eat. I've had it on good authority that they'll eat anything!"
InterNet Cafe Shut Down
On a sad note, the Internet Cafe was shut down by the Board of Health today. "Hard drives are not a proper food storage device," said a BoH offical, who then added, "I don't care WHAT is served there, we have very stringent rules that apply to ALL cafes in this area." Tek N. O'Weenie was despondant over this development since he had just purchased 7 more computers for the Cafe. "These Slugintosh computers have their problems but they've alleviated the wait to use our machines. We have these babies ready to go. We even bought the optional Color Mollusk Monitors to go with them! Talk about networking! They don't even need wires. Their slime trails work as ether net cables. Not only that, but they reproduce! By the end of the Con we expected to have 20 more of the little fellas. The only problem we anticipated was from their mobility. Unlike other computers (with the exception of the Bannana Jr. 2000), the Slugintosh is self mobile. We saw this as an advantage, except that when they crawl on the ceilin g they'd be hard to reach. After all, their motto is, 'Use the Slugintosh for a Truly Moving Experience at the Speed of Slime'." On another related subject, the hotel maids are refusing to clean the InterNet Cafe rooms. One maid was quoted as saying, "Those things give me the creeps."
Remember, if it doesn't say Slugintosh, it ain't slow enough!
Article Deleted
This article was deleted at the last minute before deadline by government agents from an organization known as the "X Files". The reason for this deletion was not explained to us, save that it was in the national interest and out of concern for the public's welfare. We apologize for any confusion this might cause the reader (& if it does cause massive hysteria, we will remember to use this idea again).
Shaken BayCon is the newsletter of BayCon '95. Number A, Friday the 12th of never. ©1995 by Caustic Solutions, Ink on behalf of the contributors, with all rights revolting upon putrification. Editor: Newt Gingrinch. Production Manager: Bob Dole. Chief Techno Weenie: Al Gore. Ace Field Reporter: Hillary Clinton. Artist In Residence: Robert Maplethrope. Uncredited articles probably were written by really annoyed Smurfs who are feeling kinda blue or typed from anonymous scraps of pape d under our door at 4 AM. Views expressed are not necessarily those of anyone or anybody so go stick your head in a pig. We mean this in a realy nice way. Submission Drop Boxes are located inside the pig and a certain angora sweater but you'll need a kazoo. The Newsletter Office is not in room 639.