Furry Lycanthropy Outbreak
As con officials noted, but had not prepared for, there was a full moon sighted last night at the convention. As a result there was an outbreak of Anthropomorphic Lycanthropy at the convention. This rarely seen condition affects only those infected with the Yarf Infected Furry Fan (YIFF) Lycanthropy . Those infected were seen gathering under the full moon dancing. Convention attendees were warned not to get too close as this Lycanthropy is highly contagious.
Some early warning symptoms may include:
Should you see anyone exhibiting these signs of infection, at all times avoid being bitten, though Lycanthropy can not be transmitted by hugging.
- Attendance at furry parties at late night hours.
- Unnaturally hairy palms.
- Urges to collect furry art and related paraphanalia.
- Rashes of scales, fur or feathers from otherwise normaly smooth areas of the body.
- The occasional urge to suddenly say "Yiff" at inappropriate moments.
Did You See...?
A report has reached us that Zathras was seen on the 2nd floor, rummaging around inside one of the video games, muttering to himself as he pulled out parts. "Not that one. No, not that one either. That one? That one go in toaster ...later." After thouroughly gutting the Dragon's Lair video game (which somehow still continued to function), Zathras shook his head in disgust and complained, "Never find part in time. Zathras have to clean toilets old fashioned way. No one give Zathras a break!" He was then rumored to have spoken to a brightly glowing figure and then the pair disappeared.
Fresh from a visit spent denying the existance of an X-Files party, Special Agents Mulder and Scully were called in to investigate. They interviewed all witnesses present, interrupting great amounts of fanac to do so. A synopsis of what they learned can best be condensed down to what a sample witness, one L. Hayes (well-known pinball player) reported: "What? Was something unusual going on?"
Skeptics ARE quick to point out however that first - with all the frantic fans scurrying around the Con, they are less than reliable witnesses; and second - that 'Zathras' will probably turn out to be someone from the Yarf! furry party who was having a bad fur day.
Eat The Guests?
The second 'Meet the Guests' reception went off swimmingly Sunday night, even though the BayCon HGOH (Homicidal Guest of Honor) Hannibal Lector, admitted to becoming mildly confused during the festivities. He commented, "I thought the toastmaster said to 'eat the guests' and I enjoyed several other guests with fava beans and a light Chianti before realizing my mistake." To the sounds of nervous laughter from the fan crowd around him, the now-replete HGOH went off to sign autographs.
Of course, the smaller number of guests had an impact on the Celebrity Roast that followed, which was held in the Red Lion hot tub. On the whole it was a delicious evening, although it did leave a bad taste in the mouths of convention organizers.
A Case of When ...and Then
There is no truth to the rumor that the Illuminati is behind the secret numbering scheme of the 'Makin' FakeCon' convention newsletter. The fact that the newsletter's unique dating system has driven seventeen scholars in abstract reasoning insane - that Miskatonic University wants to emulate it for their upcoming student curriculum - and that it encourages fans to buy expensive Swiss timekeeping devices from the Dealer's room to determine what day it really is, is strictly a coincidence said a Mister B. Rain, the Illuminati's diminuative, large-eared spokesman when he was quoted late Sunday night.
The "In thing" on the Klingon homeworld
Among the many parties held at FakeCon this year one of the most unusual was this year's Klingon party. In previous years we have seen tournaments showing off Klingon battle skills, Klingon opera, and even Klingon board games. This year, however, takes the proverbial beef cake. Nothing in this reporters vast experience could have prepared me for what I encountered in room 213. This party was packed wall to wall with muscle bound Klingon warriors, all of which were dressed in revealing lingerie. While the women looked good, the male Klingons would threaten violence if you looked at them for any length of time. When I asked one burly Klingon warrior, dressed in a teddy, why he would wear such an unusual and Earthly apparel he pointed out that you have never truly worn lingerie until you had worn that from the original Fredericks of Hollywood, which was, of course, located on the Klingon homeworld. Is there anything that the Klingon didn't invent? When posed this question the rather large warrior admitted that Klingons had not invented Velcro Wall Jumping, but insisted that their superior race had indeed invented everything else. When I followed this up with a a further question about who invented ear wax I found myself outside on the ground. The munchies were good, though moving a bit, but the Klingon Cola (also called Coka-a-Cola as they invented that too) was a bit flat.
"Furry Fans For Forced Fraternization" (AKA the F.F.F.F.F.) staged a protest today of the continuing Red Lion - now Doubletree - practice of systematic octopus abuse. They claim that the hotel policy of capturing small octopi, skinning them and using these skins in the hotel showers as bath mats is not only immoral, but is also a foul case of species prejudice rearing its ugly head.
"It's bad enough," said one FFFFF advocate, "when people eat the little wiggly wonders, but this is just using them - walking all over them! I say, support sucker power!"
The 'Practical Nanotechnology' panel was a popular one this afternoon. It went into great depth exploring the options that teensy tiny micro-machinery will have in affecting the world at large in the future. The downside about the panel was that since anyone wanting to view the panel needed to share the same microscope, coverage of the panel was spotty and only the guests themselves knew what was being said. There was also an unfortunate accident involving the panel moderator who was crushed by the tweezers moving the panelists back to their storage device. There is hope that he can be replicated from the gray goo that was left behind and that will be the highlight of Monday morning's panel 'Cloning Around in Daily Life'.
The long-absent BayCon mascot, Sparky the Sqirrel made a brief appearance at the convention late Saturday night, according to reports. Sparky was seen drinking down in Maxi's bar with Elvis, just before they were chased away by Bigfoot onto the UFO, (piloted by Amelia Earhardt) to go chasing the comet Hale-Bopp. Way to go Sparky!
Dive In Movie Racks Up Parking Violations
Excited fans were surprised, and dismayed, to find themselves receiving traffic citations, for violating traffic laws, at the dive-in movie. One fan we interviewed stated, "I didn't know it was a 'no parking' area," another sadly stated her car was towed away after she parked it in the elevator while trying to reach the second floor for a better view. Con security on site was busy helping haul a neo-fen's car out of the pool, while giving a stern warning to the embarrassed and very wet neo fan, apparently the only one in the car at the time, shaking her head, one of the older more experienced fans in the crowd was overheard to say,"How sad it is that so many fans needed to brush up on there convention etiquette." Another fan stated "He should know better then to be in a car pool lane without passengers."
Deadline for Inside Edition:
Friday the 12th of Never.
Back to the 'real' world!